May 7, 2021

“Safe Conduct”

By Jim Culp

 

What a nice day. It’s about 70 degrees, but a little windy for me. No problem; did some writing this morning, then headed out to look at more fishing places. On the way, I stopped at Sonic, and got some grub. Then my daughter and I had a long text talk, and I was back on track to the areas I wanted to RECON today.

I parked my car, and started to get out. Just then, a rock hit my passenger door. It scared the shit out of me, because there were no other cars there. I looked around, didn’t see anyone; and got out to see whether USAA insurance would be getting a call or not.

I got out, and had my camera in hand. I started looking at the marks on the car, and then I heard steps in gravel from the lakeside. I turned around, and about 10 feet  away was Barry Von Tweaker; getting closer. Camera stayed in left hand; right hand drew pistol. Pistol levels at tweakie’s solid brown teeth. He stops.

Me: “did you do this?”

Tweak: “Nah dude; I just need some food money.”

Me: “How about a bullet instead?”

It was then, and only then; that this idiot realized I was holding a gun.

Me: “Get lost, tweakee.”

Tweak: “I’m on it man.”

He walks to the brush, and disappeared.

Luckily, the “rock” was more mud than rock. No significant damage.

I was relieved. I haven’t killed anyone in 18 years, and I don’t ever want to have to do it again. Live goes on in Missura!

Have a nice day.

-Jim

 

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