"WINTER"

 

“Winter”

By Jim Culp

May 3, 2022

 

This is a recent letter that I sent and it was returned to me.

 

Dear Weather Gods,

You know, I ain’t one to complain much. Things happen; I get it. But come on ya’ll, this crap is way out of hand. It’s May…that means flowers and me taking tons of allergy pills to survive…you know…fun stuff. Right now, it’s about 54º F here in Missura! Fifty-four MFin’ degrees ya’ll!

Now, I get it if you guys and gals are on vacation…but it’s time to get back to work and give up some nice May temperatures. You know, like high seventies. No…not high seventies with 29 MF’in mph winds neither. Nice calm weather for scoping out chicks, fishin’, and drinking a couple or eight cold ones and grillin’ some wings out back.

I know, lots o’ folks done believe in ya’ll anymore, but I do.

Now, I’ve been a damn good boy this year and last. I ain’t killed no one since 2003, and I’ve only cussed out two or three goblins at the Walmart all year! So, I think on them merits alone, ya’ll can send some 70’s my way, or in fact…you could just send me back to the ‘70s so I can go see some good rockers before they was all dead. Your call.

 

P.S. Sorry about the other day when I cursed the weather…I was just tired of getting’ wet.

In your names,

-Jim

 

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