April 7, 2020

I saw online today that some friends were discussing their issues with quitting smoking. I have my own experience with this struggle and thought that I would share it with you all. In early 2009, I was living and working in Twentynine Palms, California. It was a time of high stress, and I was smoking heavily as one of my means of coping with the stress of the job as well as some family issues. I was part of a small team of people that were managing a construction project on the military base there. This team consisted of five managers, a large crew, and numerous sub-contractors. We had started this project way back in 2007 and were about 80% done with it.

As with any other day, I would leave my apartment and drive up Adobe Road, then take a small road that went south over the hill to my office. I was a short drive that I was accustomed to traveling 2-3 times per day, and I was very complacent doing it. As always, when I climbed into my truck, I would light a cigarette with out fail. One aspect of smoking cigarettes that people start doing (without any conscious thought) is light up without even thinking. It becomes an automatic response to a certain action, and your body and brain act before your senses even think about it.

On this day, I did my usual thing, and traveled to the office, I spent the day doing the usual things, filing papers, making copies, making phone calls. Rental companies would fill my mornings with advertisements about specials they were running, and the main office in Walnut Creek would flood me with emails about this and that. Some days I would spend time out at the site, but on the day, there was too much to do at my desk. Over the course of the day, I would step outside of my back door, and smoke a cigarette. Most of the time, I would smoke half of it, and throw the rest of it away. I didn’t care, I was rich. I made more money that I had every made in my life. I wasn’t a millionaire, but I made enough that I could buy anything I wanted. That always included two packs of Marlboro Smooth 100’s…every single day for almost four years.

At about four or five o-clock, the Site Managers would stop by, file their paperwork, and I’d give them any paperwork or drawings they needed, and that happened every day. As each of them came in to handle their business, I’d smoke a few cigarettes with them, and we’d complain about the job, laugh at something stupid, and then start thinking about that cold beer waiting in the fridge at home.

At about 5:30 PM, I headed home. I’d take the same route over the hill, smoking that “automatic cigarette,” and driving on “auto-pilot.”

But particular day would be a game-changer for me. It would be a day I will never forget. About halfway over the hill, I took a drag on my cigarette, and the wind blew the “cherry” off the end of my smoke. The burning ball of tobacco rolled over my thigh and under my crotch. Well, seeing as how I didn’t want any of those parts getting burned, I started doing the happy dance in the seat, and trying to move the cherry with my left hand, because my right hand was now controlling the cigarette and the steering wheel together.

My attention would soon turn to darker things, because when I lifted my eyes for a split second, I had veered off the pavement (onto packed sand) about two feet. At that same time, a little girl had chased a kickball into the street. Luckily, she had already seen me, and had headed back to her driveway. If I were to try and measure the distance of my truck’s fender and the little girl’s body, I’d have to say it was probably less than a foot. As soon as it was over, I stopped my truck about a quarter mile down the road and sat there shaking. Cold shivers ran down my spine, and the cigarette still in my hand was unlit. I threw it out the window, and slowly forced myself to get it together and drive back home. That was the last day I ever smoked a cigarette. I tried lighting one up several days afterward, because my body was screaming for nicotine. I couldn’t take a drag without thinking of that little girl who almost lost her life because I was a dumbass. It was stuck with me for year now, and I am very glad that it has. When I had a heart attack in 2010, they ran every test they could think of (of course) to make sure that the bill was an even $100,000. My lungs were as clear as a mason jar. So, all in all, I think two blessings happened that day. That little girl got to grow up, and I got some part of my health back.

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-Jim