Round Two

 

“Round Two”

By Jim Culp

November 22, 2022

 

Well, it seems that I am a punk magnet. It has been a while since I was attacked by punks, and I was glad to be past that. Last night, I talked to several friends that I try to keep in touch with…and then settled into watch a movie and relax. Nothing would be further than the truth. At about 10:30, I realized that I had left my wallet in my car. No matter how anyone else feels, I can’t stand to let that slide. It’s just too easy for some asshole to steal it and go on a bar binge before you can say howdy doody has wooden balls.

So out I went, down to the old parking lot. It was as quiet as a church on Monday, and I proceeded towards my car. A visual reconnaissance told me that no one was about, or so I thought. I pressed my FOB button and the car beeped back at me in response.

I opened the passenger door and retrieved my wallet, and then heard a sound. It was footsteps, and fairly heavy ones. I turned my head, and something struck my forehead. It was a 24-inch piece of half inch rebar, and the tip of it was jagged. I was lucky that it was a glancing blow, or I would have been in a bad way quick.

“Not this shit again…what am I? A faggot magnet?”

Luckily, the fat punk had stepped back a bit (obviously to observe the damage done) and that gave me about 10 seconds to get my hand on my .45 that stays in my car. I drew it and thumbed the safety off. Homeboy suddenly realized that he had brought a stick of steel to a gunfight.

“Oh shit!” he yelled…and ran away.

“Punk mother fucker…” I thought.

Blood dripped from my forehead, so I locked the car and staggered up the stairs.

Life is good…just stay armed if you live in the city.

-Jim

 

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Veterans Day III

“Veterans Day III”

November 11, 2022

By Jim Culp

 

Veterans Day coincides with other holidays including Armistice Day and Remembrance Day which are celebrated in other countries that mark the anniversary of the end of World War I. Major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918 when the Armistice with Germany went into effect. At the urging of major US veteran organizations, Armistice Day was renamed Veterans Day in 1954,

In my family, we have veterans that participated in every major conflict that has occurred since 1918. The reason I don’t mention wars before that is because there are no known records of us before then. The following is a list of persons in our family (including persons married to a member of the Culp family or associated with such.)

World War I: William “Birdie” Bristow

World War II: Bill Bristow, Bill Lesperance, Jack Bristow, George Bristow, Amon Harrison

Korean Conflict: Amon Harrison

Vietnam War: Phillip “Flip” Hill, Amon Harrison

Gulf War (code named Operation Desert Storm): Mart Jeffery Culp, James Culp

Operation Iraqi Freedom 1: James Culp

These people contributed their best to these conflicts and returned home to tell their tales; many did not. The latter is why we have Memorial Day.

To my brothers and sisters in arms, I salute you for your service. Our country is stronger and safer because of you.

Cheers,

Jim Culp

SFC, Retired

 

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The Right...and the Wrong

 

“The Right…and the Wrong”

By Jim Culp

November 6, 2022

 

Ballot Measure 114 is the most extreme Gun Control Measure ever put forth. The issue here is simple. This isn’t “gun control,” it is the continuing effort of people in the US Government to destroy the Second Amendment, a Constitutional Right.

An eligible initiative measure is one in which the required number of signatures have been submitted to and verified by the county elections officials.

In the United States, a ballot measure is a law, issue, or question that appears on a statewide or local ballot for voters of the jurisdiction to decide.

The problem here is, the last thing we need in the USA is to strip anyone of their rights. In a country where we have the most crooked bunch of shit-heads since Tricky Dickey; we need action by the citizenry.

I will address this is my own special way, and there will be two…me as a citizen, and me as a veteran.

As a citizen, taking away by right to defend my hearth and home with firearms (that were purchased legally) when someone tries to rob, kill, do any harm to me or mine in any way, is my Constitutional Right as a citizen of the USA. The opposite of me is the trash that runs around our cities and towns today, and I draw your attention to Kansas City. These thugs are A) “people” that are life-long criminals, B) obtained their firearms illegally, and B) modified said weapons to fire in automatic mode (which is also a felony).

Let’s look at some statistics. Kansas City (as a whole) had the following numbers for these three years:

2020: 182

2021: 155

2022: 220

Regionally: 269

This is simply because the system is broken. There are people trying to fix it, but it’s an extreme uphill battle.

As a veteran, I have higher insight than the average drunk. There are countries that I have visited where there is very low crime, and the police are not tough on the citizenry, because there is somewhat of a symbiosis in that perspective.

Then, there are countries like England and Germany, and there is crime…   but it is almost never with guns. That is because it is illegal to own firearms unless these are secured in a place where their sporting ranges and the like exist. When I was in Germany, the Wall was still there, and Germany was divided per the rules in place since World War II. There is a different Germany there now, but the gun rules remain the same for both areas. As for crime, German police are very tough and stomp it out (brutally if necessary).

I have also been to countries where there is practically no law enforced, except for religious laws, which are brutally squashed within hours or day.

Every time I went anywhere (17 countries in my career) I tried to learn the laws and unspoken rules in each. This, of course, was governed by the amount I had to do this. There are some that are in a common group with others, and some that have laws that were unique to that country (like Saudi Arabia).

All that said, none of those countries had a constitution with some of the unique amendments like the USA. The ruthless idea that restricting or confiscating law abiding citizen’s legally purchased firearms and ammunition is another assault on the Second Amendment, the amendment that guarantees our freedom of gun ownership.

Destroy the 2^nd Amendment? This country will collapse on itself with a brutal civil war.

Most Sincerely,

Jim Culp

US Army, Retired

 

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New and Old

 

“Very new…and very old”

By Jim Culp

October 28, 2022

 

In 2000, my military career changed abruptly to another component of the U.S. Army. I was discharged from the Kansas National Guard and joined the U.S. Army Reserve. I was able to discharge early because my move was “in the interest of and favorable to the good of the U.S. Army.” My contract ended in less that two days and I headed to MEPS* for my physical and all that silly crap. Civilian bosses were not happy about it, but I didn’t care. It was a $14 dollar raise on the civilian side, and I would soon be in charge of a Movement Control Detachment. I stopped by the National Guard and said goodbye to my old tank… I would miss her…Not. That bucket of bolts put fifty health years on my body in seven calendar years. I finished school for that MOS** and reported back to my unit.

“Welcome, SSG*** Culp,” said the Commander, “Report to Captain Weaver for your first assignment, and as soon as you get back, you’ll be in charge of the 378^th HRT*!

I went and reported to Captain Darrel Weaver, a guy that I would live to become great friends with. Darrel was a black dude from Chicago, and not in the nicest part. He was one of the most intelligible people I ever met. We shook hands and he said “We’re headed to Italy, Sarge; and I want to watch over the kids, so I don’t have to…capiche? (Do you understand?)

“Roger Sir, when are we headed out?”

“Friday morning, 0300.”

Upon arriving in Italy, we were picked up by a Specialist in a 15-passenger van. It was easy to spread out because we only had six people. Some folks in that unit did several missions per year. We drove through the cities and finally ended up at Vicenza, a village style town that had been there since the Second Century AD. It had survived an earthquake (1349) and the German bombings of World War II (1942-1945).

My Captain, a buddy Jim Warner, and I were all history buffs, and for the next 11 days we would see over half of Italy. The only work they wanted us to do was fill out surveys of the mess hall’s meals. This wasn’t a problem; their “mess hall” was like an Italian Bistro, but better. Every meal had a huge salad bar, and the breads were bought on the local market.

I could tell you more, but I don’t have the bandwidth to do all of that today.

A day later, I asked the Sergeant Major what he wanted us to do. He replied that he wanted me to go to Aviano Airbase and give a report of the Team Training that was going there (the Army had a detachment there).

We all loaded up and headed there. This base is huge… and has a plethora of aircraft and armaments. We located the Army Detachment there, and I went out and graded their Team Training. They were doing chemical warfare drills, and I gave them a talk afterwards. So… I did about 25 minutes of work that day. When we left there, we went to the Coliseum, but the crews were working on a structural failure, and said “sorry, two weeks.”

We headed back to Vicenza and visited a grape farmer. He and his cousin were in the wine business, and had done so since 560 AD. The wine was really awesome, and we bought some more bottle to take home and such. History was right in front of me here, and I wanted to stay for a year. We visited Venice for a whole day and enjoyed all the sites and shops. We had pizza there that you can’t match anywhere in the rest of the world. One thing you don’t want to do in Venice is to fall in the water. If you’re an American, the Department of State orders you to stay four weeks for vaccinations.

All in all, it was a great trip. The grand finale was when the airline screwed out tickets up. So, three of us had to ride First Class. Oh, the horror! We could eat or drink anything we wanted, and the flight attendants all looked like porn stars.

A final caveat. Very strange but true. On April 10^th of 2004, I was in Iraq, and we were mortared for seven hours. The only fatality on our side was Antoine Holt, from Aviano Airbase.

I am going back to see that Coliseum up close and personal. I will be hoping they screw up my airline tickets again.

{{I am including a small glossary with this blog; some of my readers have told me that they have no clue what “this” and “that” are. My apologies; when you are a soldier as long as I was, you think everyone knows that stuff.}}

*: MEPS: Military Entrance Processing Station

**: MOS: Military Occupational Specialty

***: SSG: Staff Sergeant (the second rank in the Army’s Non-            Commissioned Officer ranks

 

-Jim

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The Beast

 

“The Beast”

By Jim Culp

October 25, 2022

 

When I was a kid around the age of 11 or 12, my parents sent me and my older brother Dave to a Christian School across town.  

As part of our studies, we had to memorize chapters from the King James version of the Holy Bible. When it came my term, my teacher told me to “pick one myself.”

Well, that came easy for me. The Old Testament (the first tome of the bible, and the recordings of many men and women that allegedly wrote down the words of God… but through men and women) was really boring. It was filled with all kinds of stuff, but nothing that attracted a young Jamie Culp.

So, I opted to memorize Revelation 13: 1-18. It was cool, and had some exciting stuff rather than boring tales of gardens, guys with leprosy, and a God that brought swift judgement on any wary soul that crossed his commandments.

So I sat in my little cubicle, and starting memorizing.

 

 

1.And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.

 

2And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.

 

3And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast.

 

There are 15 more verses, but they all point to a “beast” that would do some serious damage (as ordered by Satan; God’s enemy)

The guy that was writing all this down was allegedly the last of the disciples of Jesus the Christ. He was called John of Patmos, because the isle he had been exiled to was called Patmos. The Emperor Domitian had made that call because John was making trouble for the Empire. Much later on, John was called “Saint John the Divine.”

Anyhow, John saw things that would happen in the distant future, and he wrote all of them down. You can read about them yourself; the Book of Revelation is that last book of the Holt Bible. If you can’t afford one, get online and visit https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/...

No internet? Visit a library to rent one or a Mormon church; they will give you one for free.

 

Fast Forward to 1977. This school was part of a church, and most of them were. My parents sent us there because I guess they figured that attending church three times a week was not enough. So, every morning, we’d board a bus at our church, and it would take us to the other one where the school was.

On one particular day, Mrs. Berg stopped at my cubicle, and asked how my memorization assignment was coming.

“Pretty good, Ma’am.”

“And what does this chapter tell you about the subject?” she inquired.

“Um…we’re all screwed?”

“She laid her hand on my head and softly said in my ear. “Um, that is vulgar, and you’re getting a swat for that.”

Let me digress a bit. A “swat” at that school meant being smacked in the rump with a six-foot boat oar. Yeah, that’ll teach me.

So off I trudged to the principal’s office, and received my punishment, then a language lesson.

“James, the word “screwed” in the context you used it means F-U-…you know the rest.

“It does?!” I exclaimed.

“Yes sir!” he replied.

Well, the rest of that year went ok. We moved to Silver City to the same kind of church school, just smaller.

In due time, the Beast would come to me in my dreams. It horrified me and made me be a good boy for a few days. The senseless diatribe of established and fanatical religion had taken control of another kid. The Beast would stay with me until 2003, when I removed religion form my mind, and buried myself in other subjects. Life would be much better now. That year I only had to fight one war, not two. My mental palate no longer had that monkey on my back. Believe me, I needed my whole brain and mental fortitude to do my job and get all my boys home.

To LTC John Killigan: Thank you for your guidance, Sir. I am proud to call you brother.

-Jim

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"Out of Time?"

 

“Out of Time?”

By Jim Culp

August 21, 2022

 

So, I lost my coping saw. (if’n ye don’t know what that is, just google it)

I went to the hardware store her in Lees Summit, and walked in. There was a kid greeting people.

“I am looking for a coping saw,” I said.

To my surprise, he pointed to an aisle, and said “Isle 46, Sir, section 3.”

I said thanks and headed that way. When I arrived, there they were.

To self: “Did I just fall in a time portal and go back to 1973?”

So… I grabbed the saw I want, and a pack of blades. Being the guy I am, I decided to play a game.

I walked up to the nearest kid in uniform, and asked where I could find 1” X 1” X 2” white pine boards.

He told me to walk with him, and he took me right to the rack in the lumber area. “Right here, Sir, and you can get them in Oak or Maple also.”

I was dumb-founded… “Um, thanks man,” I said as he walked away.

I literally thought something was wrong, or I had been in the wrong dimension for the past 56 years.

“Ok, Jim. Last one…make it a good one.”

I walked to the area where all the steel hardware was. I picked up a bolt that had a steel washer on it, but nothing else, and stood there looking like I was clueless.

A guy in his {thirties?} walked up and asked me if he could be any help.

“Yeah man,” I said… “I am looking for a nylon washer with no more than an .078” in diameter, and a stainless nut to fit the bolt…but damnit if I haven’t left my readers at home again.”

The guy chuckled. “You sound like me friend…but anyhoo; they are right here, and I’ll get ‘em out for you.”

As sure as Mama made the greatest pies at Christmas, I had exactly what I needed in about 8.2 seconds.

“Will that be all, Sir?” he asked with a smile.

“Yep, that’s it. Thanks for your time and knowledge.”

When I got out to my car and shut the door, I looked around to make sure I didn’t see any ’71 Impalas or Beetles driving by, or that any of the men were wearing suits and ties. I just couldn’t be in 2022.

-Jim

 

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"Yum"

 

“Yum”

By Jim Culp

August 7, 2022

 

I’ve been a customer of Arby’s for 40 years. Yesterday, I ordered a wrap instead of the beef sandwich I usually get…in order to give my guts a break. The wrap has a delicious tortilla, turkey, cheese, tomatoes, and lettuce. (I have them take the mustard off, because it is some commie shit that tastes like stale ale. I also have them removed the purple onions, because they do not agree with me).

They were busy, and I patiently waited (really…I did). Ok, I used the time to play space invaders on my phone.

So, the wrap came out. I took the first bite. It tasted like a rubbing alcohol and spray starch cocktail. I opened the wrap to inspect, and there was lettuce that looked exactly like the canned spinach that Pop used to eat. I opened the other half, and the “lettuce” looked like a sailor had used it to scrub the deck of the USS Gerald Ford, then snuck it into the galley and placed it in the “sammich stuff” tub.

When I complained, the manager said that she was sorry. So I looked back at the guy making sandwiches. He was not only not washing the lettuce, he was putting that nasty outer leaf (that only goats eat) on the sandwiches.

Letter on the way to corporate.

-Jim

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