November 15, 2020

“Throw Them Away”

By Jim Culp

 

So, I went out in the woods and prayed to my gods. Of course, as with all gods, there was no way to know if they heard me or not. So I came home…kind of disgruntled and less than whole.

I called my counselor, and she said “well, try what I do. Go out wherever you go again, but this time, take a refuse container along.”

“A what?” I said.

“A refuse container, you know; a sack or something that will burn.”

“Um, “I stuttered…like a paper sack from the grocery store?”

“Perfect,” she uttered. “Then get a couple of pieces of notebook paper or the like, and cut or tear them into 2” X 2” pieces. Then, take a permanent marker, and write down people or problems in your life that occupy your brain too much. They can be anything or anyone, because no one but you will ever know.”

“Got it…and then?” I asked.

“Place them in the bag, and throw a few kitchen matches in the bag with them. Then seal it up with a little tape...” she instructed.

“OK, I’ll call you back when I get that done,” thanks Mel.

I hung up with her, and wished I could walk and talk with her, as she had been the best counselor I ever had, particularly the year my Mom and brother died within months of one another.

So I took the little pieces of paper, and a Dollar Tree marker; and started with people. The first that came to mind were the Kardashians. Now, don’t get me wrong…those girls are beautiful, and I have nothing against them personally. What I hate to my core is how they are glorified. Them… and many like them; are worshipped because they are rich, and can spend seventy hours a week having hair and make-up done. I think we need better idols.

In the same vein, I wrote Kanye West on the next piece of paper, but with a forward slash and the acronym POS in capital letters. I was going to write “No talent ass clown with a mouth that never closes” but I didn’t care to expend the energy.

The third piece of paper was easy. I wrote “Mega-churches” and tossed it in. I didn’t write all the issues I had with them, just the two words. You can read my blogs on the evil that exists there.

Next was our current Fuhrer, Mr. Trump. I wrote out his name on the fourth piece, and that was enough. He gets too much audience in my head, and I need to make room for other things.

The fact that he has been voted out of office during a global pandemic (of which he has handled like a two year old eating a bar of ice cream on a July day) is very awesome indeed.

On the fifth piece were the names of the soldier that I lost during my time in the Army. There were three of them, and I’ve allowed them to maintain an area of occupancy in my head for too many years. I felt responsible for each and every one of them, and I wasn’t. Each of them was out of my control when they left his planet; but a true leader doesn’t see it that way sometimes.

The sixth piece was simply labeled “degree.” I finally made the decision to stop trying to attain my bachelor’s degree. It was a lifetime goal, and I’ve tried for the last twenty-five years to fit it into my life. It has never worked, and I’m done trying’.

The seventh and eighth pieces were labeled “HATE” and “FEAR.” They were going to combine on one, but I feel that they each needed a spotlight of their own. These two emotions have filled my brain and my soul for 40 years, and it’s time to let them go. Both will turn your soul into a cesspool if you don’t purge them out of your life.

Number nine came easy. It was labeled “stop procrastinating,” and that covers everything in life for me. Do it, or don’t. I am still not the chief procrastinator (that title belongs to my second wife), but I don’t want to do it at all. It’s self-defeating, and leads you to inaction.

Number ten was a special one for me. I labeled it “Stop Trying/Ignorance.” Simply put, that means I am going to stop trying to educate idiots that wish to remain ignorant. I could drone on for days on this, but I won’t. Again, it’s not worth it.

Number eleven was laziness. I’ve shirked long term goals in my life because I was lazy. The medium doesn’t matter… it’s the sheer waste of precious time. I want to accomplish a few more things while I am still in this body, and nowadays time seems to go by faster than we can grasp it.

Finally, number twelve was “ghosts.” For many years ago to now, I have lived with the ghosts of people that slipped away, and I never got to tell them how much they meant to me. So, in very small print, I filled the last piece of paper with the names of those people. I have to let them go.

I went out the next day, and dug a hole. I placed the sack with its invaluable contents in the hole, and burned it. When it was nothing but ashes, I replaced the soil, and walked back home. Sheer relief filled my soul, and I was truly better than I’d been in years. I emailed my counselor, and told her about it, and thanked her.

This path we call life is a long highway, my friends…don’t waste your time driving past all the scenery and places that would give you joy. Stop and smell the roses.

-Jim

 

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